Catboy the Mighty # 6:
A Very Slayers Christmas Special
It’s a few days before Christmas on Gourrigan’s Island and the cast
is working on getting into the holiday spirit. Asuka, Delwynndwn, Rune, and
Tenal are joining the cast for this occasion, as are Matt Ishida and Trowa
Barton.
Trowa: "Why are we here again?"
Matt: "We’re here because if we weren’t then Saturn would go ballistic,
borrow somebody’s mech, and blow the place sky high."
Rune: "Plus we get to play baby sitter for a while."
Sweat drops and face faults all around as the area is suddenly awash
in little kids of all races and breeds. Caught in the middle of the tidal
wave of children is Amelia, who is dressed in a female sized Santa suit and
hat. Floating above the chaos is Zelgadis, who is sitting in a bubble and
drinking from his bottomless cup of coffee.
Asuka: (from the bottom of the pile) "This sucks."
Del: "Watch your language around impressionable children."
Asuka: "Fine. This royally SUCKS!"
Asuka is electrocuted a moment later. She emerges from the chaos
clad in an outfit similar to Amelia’s, only higher cut in the skirt and
lower cut in the top. Del and Tenal take one look at her and nearly die of
blood loss due to nose bleeds.
The universe belches a moment later, spitting forth the fanfic
author known as Warrior Saturn. He looks at the flood of kids and
immediately joins Zelgadis in the floating bubble, wrapped around the
chimera man like a suit of armor.
Alex: "K....k.... kids. I hate kids!"
Amelia: "Mister Alex, that’s not a very nice mood to be in. Show some
holiday spirit."
Alex descends from the bubble, but stays floating above the chaotic
mass of children below him. Rune and Amelia both give him the evil eye, but
he shakes his head ‘no’.
Zelgadis: "Has anybody seen Lina? I would have figured she would join us for
free food and all these gifts."
A very crispy Xellos pops out of subspace, his hair curled, his
clothes burned and charred, and his perpetual smile slightly blackened.
Xellos: "Lina won’t be joining us today."
Trowa: "She fireballed you, right?"
Xellos nods, then begins to count spells off on his fingers.
Xellos: "Fireball, Garv Flare, Fireball, Fireball, Dragu Slave, and a
Heatwave for good measure."
Alex: "I think we should go and pay Miss Inverse a special holiday visit."
Groans all around as the group sets off through the chaos to get to
Lina’s room in the girls’ hut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >^.^< >^.^< >^.^< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the girls’ hut a very comfortable Lina refused to leave her bed
for anything, and made that abundantly clear by blowing Naga up repeatedly
and duct taping the charred remains to her door with the note ‘Disturb me
and meet this fate’ pasted across Naga’s chest. Filia had gotten lucky and
was able to abandon hut before Lina sought her out for a target.
Lina *yawning*: "How wonderful. I’m so warm and toasty right now that I may
never get out of bed again."
A loud knocking comes from the door. Muttering comes from the covers
and a loud explosion from outside threatens to knock the door from the
hinges. Smoke pours in the cracks as Lina pulls the covers over her head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >^.^< >^.^< >^.^< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outside of Lina’s room Amelia has been roasted to a crisp by a
combination of Fireball and Dragon Slave. What was amazing was the fact she
was the only one charred and nothing else was touched.
Tenal: "Damn, that girl has amazing focus, even at this hour."
Amelia keels over and twitches, muttering about the pain and the
injustice of it all.
Zelgadis: "This is why I don’t mess with Lina at this hour."
Alex: "We really need to get her into the Christmas spirit!"
Sylphiel and Filia join the group, followed by a half awake and half
alive Queen of Swords.
QoS: "What’s the ruckus about? And why does Amelia look like the blue plate
special at a Cajun restaurant?"
Alex: "Long story."
He proceeds to explain everything, and winds up explaining it all
again to Sylphiel, who was too busy looking for "Dear Gourrigan" and "Mister
Kanzal" to pay attention the first time.
Filia: "That’s horrible. Miss Lina doesn’t like the holidays?"
Xellos: "Apparently so, since I was the first to be fried to a crisp by her
morning powerful magic."
The cast all look at him funny, since Naga looked to be the first to
become barbecue that day. Then they recalled that he had explained earlier
that he was the first one to fall victim to Lina’s temper. However, there
are still some questions that require answers.
Zelgadis: "Xellos, what were you doing in Lina’s room?"
Xellos *wagging finger* "That is.... a secret."
Lina: "I heard that Xellos! Fireball! Burst Rondo! Dare Brando! Mega Brando!
Dragon SLAVE!!"
The cast and crew, plus half of the island is toasted to a blackened
crisp. When the smoke clears everyone, including Lina, are charred, frizzed,
and slightly ashen.
Xellos: "Well, that’s the second time today Miss Lina. I think you have a
thing for me with all of the pain you’ve put me through."
Lina steps from the rubble of what used to be the girl’s hut and
stares at Xellos, eye to eye. She rears back her hand and punches the Mazoku
priest square between the eyes, dropping him instantly.
Lina: "I’ll teach you to mess with me at this hour of the morning when I
haven’t had my beauty sleep!!"
Amelia: "But Miss Lina, it’s time to do our Christmas special."
Lina looks a little puzzled and surprised at the mention of a
holiday.
Lina: "Christmas special? As in the Gourrigan’s Island Christmas Special?"
Alex & Del: "That’s right. We’re working up a super spectacular special for
the holiday!"
Tenal: "And we’re here to put you into the holiday spirit."
Lina drop kicks Xellos into orbit before turning towards the two
elves and the human who are standing closest to her, a crazed look in her
eye.
Lina: "You.... woke me... for a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?!"
Zelgadis: "But Lina, Christmas is a time of giving of gifts from one person
to another."
Lina: "I don’t care. I’m going to take all of you down! Darkness beyond
blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night..."
Gourrigan steps forward and holds a small present wrapped in silvery
paper with a golden bow out to Lina, who stops casting the Giga Slave and
looks floored by this. Gourrigan takes one of her hands, sets the box in it,
closes her fingers over it, and walks away.
Gourrigan: "Merry Christmas Lina."
Lina looks from Gourrigan to the box, back to Gourrigan, then back
to the box in a confused state of mind.
Lina: "F.... for me?"
Gourrigan nods.
Gourrigan: "Go on, open it Lina."
Rune: "Yes Miss Lina, do open it."
Lina looks at the gift, her eyes all sparkly. She carefully removes
the bow, which Sylphiel takes and playfully sticks in Lina’s hair. Lina then
looks at the paper, a crazed look entering her eyes as she shreds it, little
ribbons of silvery paper sticking in people’s hair and to their clothes. The
box gets pulled open a moment later, and Lina stares in awe at what’s inside.
Lina *starry eyed* "Why..... Gourrigan... it’s beautiful."
She proceeds to extract from the box a small pendant that looks
remarkably like the sword of light, minus the blade. She blinks at it, then
lifts her hair up.
Lina: "Gourrigan, would you do the honors?"
Gourrigan nods, takes the chain attached to the pendant, and clips
it around Lina’s neck.
Gourrigan: "There’s one more thing about this gift."
Lina: "Yes Gourrigan, what is it?"
Gourrigan takes the pendant in hand and holds it so that where the
blade would be is pointing away from Lina.
Gourrigan: "Light come forth!"
A tiny blade of light comes from the pendant, the hue a pale green,
which compliments Lina’s hair and contrasts with it at the same time. The
blade then shifts in color to a pale red, then back to green. Lina stares in
awe at this new twist on the sword of light, then smiles warmly at Gourrigan.
Lina: "Why Gourrigan, it’s absolutely adorable. Where ever did you get
something like this?"
Gourrigan: "Well... to be honest I knew a craftsman who could make something
like that, and there was an enchanter who did the blade of light thing for
me. Do you like it?"
Lina: "Oh Gourrigan.... I adore it. It’s lovely. It’s the best present
anybody’s ever given me."
Alex and Delwynndwn watch this warm exchange, one with a smile and
sparkly eyes, the other looking like he’s about to lose his lunch.
Alex: "That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen."
Del: "Well, if you like the mushy stuff."
Alex turns to him, his eyebrow twitching.
Alex: "What did you say, mister fuzzy elf?!"
Delwynndwn backs away from Alex, accidentally bumping into Asuka as
she tries to untie herself from the army of kids who have taken over the
island and somehow avoided being blasted to a crisp by Lina’s spell. Del
feels somebody glaring at him and turns to face Asuka, flames in her eyes
and behind her.
Asuka: "You PERVERT!! You slime ball! How DARE you touch me in that manner
when we’re not dating!!"
She then proceeds to kick Delwynndwn in the crotch repeatedly to the
point where he’s coughing up blood. She only stops when Tenal and Rune wrap
their arms around hers and drag her away from the bleeding elf on the ground.
Del: "This..." *cough* "... royally sucks."
Two or three little kids stand near him, staring at him as he lays
curled up in a ball, clutching his broken crystal balls.
kid #1: "That looks like it hurt."
kid #2: "She wasn’t in the Christmas spirit, was she?"
kid #1: "We should go and tell her to be nicer to a guest writer."
kid #3: "I heard.... that she likes to eat little kids for breakfast."
kids 1 and 2 look at kid 3 and arch eyebrows at him.
kid #2: "You liar. Let's go tell her not to be so mean to the elf."
The kids then proceed to run off after Asuka to tell her to be more
just in her treatment of the fuzzy elf. Matt hands him an ice pack, and
Trowa and Alex help him into a chair.
Matt: "Dude, what did you ever do to her to piss her off?"
Del: "I have no idea.... I don’t think she likes me."
Trowa: "Maybe it has something to do with what happened in episode 4.... you
recall, the little shower stall of horrors episode."
Matt, Del, and Alex all groan in remembrance.
Alex: "I was trying to forget about that.... the out takes were enough to
make me queasy."
Three extra crispy little kids come running at them with a very
pissed off Asuka behind them, and she’s packing heat in the form of a super
deluxe powered hair dryer.
Asuka: "Come back here you little brats! I swear if you ever do something
like that again I’ll turn you into the blue plate special at a Cajun
restaurant!!"
Asuka takes that moment to trip over Naga, who has regained
consciousness and movement. The hair dryer lands in Delwynndwn’s lap and
switches on, burning the elf and the three humans around him to a cinder
before exploding. Asuka looks at this mess, shrugs, and wanders off with a
smug grin on her face.
Alex: "May I say it?"
Trowa: "Yes, please do."
Alex: "This royally sucks!"
Elsewhere on the island Amelia is chasing Zelgadis around, trying to
give herself to him as a gift. She’s since tied bows into her hair and
replaced her Santa outfit with wrapping paper. Unfortunately the run ins
with several funky fruit trees has torn her paper so there really isn’t much
left to cover her.
Zelgadis: "Somebody please help me! I want to return this gift but the store
won’t give me an exchange!!"
Amelia: "Mister Zelgadis, I want to be your Christmas gift. Why won’t you
accept it?!"
Zelgadis: "I’d rather be part of Alex’s harem than have you as a Christmas
present!"
Xellos appears next to Zelgadis and matches his pace for running.
Xellos: "But Zel, I thought you already *were* a part of Alex's harem."
Zelgadis: "Go away Xellos before I decide to implant you with my sword."
Xellos kisses Zelgadis on the cheek before vanishing.
Xellos *disembodied voice* "Merry Christmas Zel-dear. I’ll see you for New
Years."
Zelgadis runs for the bathroom to take a long, hot shower with all
of his clothes on in order to forget what Xellos just said and did, and to
avoid Amelia, who is desperately trying to stay covered in her wrapping
paper.
Meanwhile, in another part of the island, Rune is watching Asuka
from a distance, her intention being revenge for Asuka’s treatment of the
fuzzy elf whom she cares about. As Asuka turns her back she springs, a large
fireball forming in her hands. As she nears Asuka she screams, "MEGA FIRE
BRAND!!" before hurling the flaming globe. Asuka barely has time to look up
before something deflects the fireball off into orbit. Rune and Asuka are
both in shock to see Tenal and Delwynndwn looking at them funny.
Del: "You both have a lot of explaining to do."
Tenal: "Yeah Asuka, why are you being such a bitch to my bud Del here?"
Del: "And Rune, why were you trying to hurt Asuka? Didn’t you know that
she’s Tenal’s new girlfriend?"
Rune and Asuka look at one another in shock, then at the two elves
who want some answers. Before anybody can answer, though, several tons of
snow fall upon the island, blanketing it and turning it into a winter
wonderland. From a nearby volcano step Sylphiel and Kanzal, both dressed
for the weather. The remainder of the cast and crew dig themselves out in
time to plot serious consequences for the sudden climate change.
Sylphiel: "Well Kanzal, it looks like we did wonders with that new weather
machine of ours. We just brought about three feet of snow to our island to
make it more seasonal."
Kanzal: "Yes my dear Sylphiel, we did a wonderful job with it. I bet our
fellow castaways will enjoy this change to the island."
They embrace in a loving way, and are about to kiss when they sense
several sets of eyes glaring at them. They turn to see Lina, the Queen of
Swords, Alex, Delwynndwn, Tenal, and Zelgadis, all looking quite upset about
the sudden appearance of snow.
Sylphiel & Kanzal: "Hi guys, what do you think of our addition to the
special?"
Alex: "It’s a little ill timed, don’t you think? The special’s almost over."
QoS: "And I don’t recall saying anything about you guys having permission to
alter the island’s climate in any way. You already rearrange the map in just
about every episode. Then there was that whole Belch Wars incident that I
don’t wish to discuss at this time when.... well, why am I discussing it?"
Del: "I think the point the queen is trying to make is that you really
screwed up and now you must be punished SEVERELY!"
The group then opens fire upon Sylphiel and Kanzal with a barrage of
snowballs, whapping them a few times before they get a chance to retaliate.
Xellos appears amid the confusion and is turned into an instant snow mazoku,
complete with carrot nose, coal buttons, and coal eyes and mouth, thanks to
the kids who happened to be prepared for a sudden climate change.
Xellos: "Arigato."
Lina: "Hey.... this is actually fun. I guess I sort of am glad I got up this
morning."
Spine chilling laughter comes from behind Lina, who stiffens.
Lina: "And it looks like the bondage queen of darkness is awake."
Naga: "Yes, and I’m fit..."
Naga is cut off, though, by one of the kids stuffing a large
snowball in her mouth. The cast and crew stare in shock as several snowballs
are stuffed into Naga’s skimpy top. The white serpent runs off to the
bathroom and shower in order to warm up and melt the ice inside of her
outfit, leaving the cast and crew to roar with laughter.
Alex: "From all of us here at Gourrigan’s Island...."
All: "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >^.^< >^.^< >^.^< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex, Delwynndwn, Lina, Zelgadis, Rune, Tenal, Trowa, Matt, and
Filia are all dressed in tuxes and sequined gowns, each with a holiday twist
such as red trim or green trim or being in the color of red, green, gold, or
silver. Each is also wearing a Santa cap, and the 3 feet of snow dropped on
the island is still evident, since it’s piled upon the stage as well.
Alex: "We hope you enjoyed this Catboy the Mighty production."
Trowa: "Say Alex, don’t you usually run out take clips at this point in the
show?"
Del: "Yeah, don’t we?"
Alex shrugs.
Alex: "I didn’t think we could have any out takes for the Christmas
special... it was sorta thrown together at the last minute, so there really
wasn’t any time for people to screw up."
Filia: "Um... Mister Alex, what ever happened between Delwynndwn and Asuka
to get her to the point where she would, if you would pardon me, kick him in
the groin?"
Delwynndwn turns crimson red at the mention of episode 4. Alex
notices this and does his best to cover.
Alex: "Well Filia, it all happened while we were in the clutches of that
tentacle monster in episode 4, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to talk
about it."
As he says that Asuka bounces onto the stage dressed in a long green
gown. She proceeds to kiss each of the men on the forehead before
passionately kissing Zelgadis and Tenal. Zelgadis blushes and falls over,
and Tenal simply lifts her up and kisses her a few more times. He feels
several pairs of eyes burning into him before he turns around.
Tenal: "Oh... did I forget to mention that Asuka and myself are now
officially dating."
Lina: "Really now. Why didn’t you share this information with us earlier?"
Tenal begins to say something, but is assaulted by a barrage of
snowballs by the other people on the stage. Asuka also begins to explain,
but gets caught in the crossfire and is turned into a snow woman, complete
with carrot nose and flaming pink brassier thanks to the little kids who had
overrun the island. Asuka manages to shake her head free.
Asuka: "Don’t you have some bloopers of the little kids taking over the
island that you can show?"
Alex and Delwynndwn look at each other in horror as a little kid
runs up on stage and pops a tape into a nearby VCR. The kid hits the play
button.
kid: "And now, for your viewing pleasure, a compilation of bloopers from
this episode set to the tune of ‘Put a Smile on Your Face’ by Vitamin C."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BLOOPERS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clip #1 is when Alex first appears and has wrapped himself around
Zelgadis like a suit of armor. Instead of wrapping around his back he wraps
around Zel’s stomach and gets a face full of wire hair.
Clip #2 is when Asuka is caught up in the tidal wave of toddlers.
She winds up being brought to the surface of the wave and is sent crowd
surfing off into the distance before being sent back wearing her clothes
inside out.
Clip #3 has to do with Gourrigan giving a gift to Lina. He can’t
seem to keep a straight face when presenting the gift, and several out takes
from the show are shown. In one he looks like he’s almost going to get it,
but he can’t resist laughing. Lina is also in hysterics, and has trouble
just saying her lines.
Clip #4 is Lina blowing up Amelia through a door and a wall. It’s
proven that even the greatest sorceress needs to learn to focus a little
better in the morning since first she misses Amelia and fries Zelgadis. Then
she roasts Alex and Delwynndwn. Then she misses completely and gets Matt and
Trowa, who are on baby sitting patrol.
Clip #5 has to do with the snowball fight near the end. Sylphiel
proves that the only way she can hit a target is if she closes her eyes.
Unfortunately the target she hits isn’t necessarily the target she’s aiming
for, since she takes out Mike, the camera operator with one of her shots and
then whacks Will, the director upside the head with a slush ball that nearly
knocks him out. Her final blooper shot nails Kanzal in the crotch, dropping
him instantly. Then the cast has to dig through 3 feet of snow to find him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ end of bloopers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex: "Well, we sure hope you enjoyed the Christmas special."
Lina: "So, what are you guys gonna get me for Christmas? Hmm? What are you
getting me?"
The remainder of the cast smile like Xellos and wag their fingers at
Lina.
all: "That is.... a secret."
Lina grumbles something and a moment later the ground beneath each
of them buckles and explodes from a Dare Brando. Once they land and get back
to the stage they sigh and have a group hug.
Del: "From our group to yours, have a happy holiday."
Alex: "And keep on watching, since I’m one of the queen’s favorite guest
writers."
Tenal & Asuka: "Good night everyone, and have a safe and happy holiday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >^.^< >^.^< >^.^< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a pocket dimension that serves as the office and part time
bedroom of the guest writer called Warrior Saturn a group of bishounen are
planning a Christmas party of their own. Tasuki and Irvine have been cooking
up a storm, and the results are in: it’s DELICIOUS! The tree has been
decorated with the greatest of care, and a certain cat guardian was given
the honor of putting the star atop the tree. As the festivities are coming
to a close a portal opens and in steps Alex, Matt, and Trowa, all looking
exhausted.
Tasuki: "Hey guys, you missed the party. But I think there are some
leftovers."
As he says that in steps Zelgadis and Tenal, both looking remarkably
like the other three. Seifer and Irvine move to catch Alex, who pitches
forward. They drag him off to his bedroom, where they remove his shoes and
jacket, loosen his tie, and lay him out on the bed before curling up with
him. Tenal grabs a chicken leg from a nearby party platter and takes a bite
of it.
Tenal: "We’re all worn out from this special, but I think it turned out
really well."
Quatre: "We watched it on Alex’s computer.... you guys were wonderful. But I
still have one question."
Tenal: "Shoot."
Quatre: "Just how long have you been dating Miss Asuka?"
Tenal nearly spits the mouthful of chicken he has across the room.
As is he starts coughing, and it’s a short time before he’s able to answer.
Tenal: "Asuka and myself started to date shortly after we taped episode 4."
Squall: "Was this after she came out of orbit from Delwynndwn’s strike that
sent her there?"
Tenal: "After. What the hell is this anyway, twenty questions? It’s
Christmas... or almost Christmas, and I just want to collapse and sleep well
into tomorrow morning."
Tasuki: "Are you sure you don’t want something more to eat?"
Matt, Trowa, Tenal, and Zelgadis grab plates of food before retiring
to their bedrooms. Meanwhile, in Alex’s bedroom he’s curled up between
Seifer and Irvine, his arm over Seifer, and Irvine’s arm over him. He has a
big smile on his face, since the special went off without much trouble, and
it turned out quite well. Above him something sparkles into being, and a
little pixie appears.
pixie: "Well done Mister Alex. I am called Selena, and I am your muse....
your special was wonderfully written. I also have the part time job of being
a Christmas fairy and granting wishes, and now I shall grant your fondest
desire."
With that she waves her wand, golden glitter raining down upon Alex,
Seifer, and Irvine. Selena smiles pleasantly before disappearing into a
large sparkle.
Selena: "Your most perfect Christmas gift.... is that you shall always be
able to write from the heart, with plenty of emotion and all that jazz, and
that your writing will always be wonderful. Also, you and your friends will
be together for a very long time, and will be happy all of that time. Good
night sweet prince, may your dreams be beautiful and peaceful."
End.