Catboy the Mighty #  4:
Little Shower Stall of Horrors - Part 3

Co-author's Note: "Well well well, so our guest author has been captured by some beast with tentacles. I suppose I'll have to go down there and rescue him now. But since I'm writing this, it may be a while before he gets out..." *cackles evilly*


Lina: "Great. Somebody worse than Saturn. What could possibly be next?"

Lina is suddenly the target of a white ooze dripping down out of nowhere.

Lina: "What the hell?! Do I even want to know what this stuff is?"

Delwynndwn: "No, you probably don't."

The cast and crew hear a loud SMACK like somebody smacked their forehead.

Saturn: "Great.... how can things get any worse?"

Monster of the day: "We could play strip poker."

More muttering and cursing is heard as Zelgadis and Filia decide to wake up and see what's going on with the author's note.

Zelgadis: "I thought we told you we weren't going to play that game. It's... immoral and immodest."

Filia: "And you know you'll lose every hand and we'd get to see that...

Filia and Zelgadis both wind up blushing hotly. Saturn just glares at them and sighs deeply. The monster mutters a few curses that are censored for content.

Delwynndwn: "Well, if you ladies would like, I could give you a free strip show."

Lina, Filia, Amelia, and Sylphiel look at him and shudder, some blushing deeply, others disgusted. Naga bends over and looks at him, her breasts nearly falling out of her top.

Naga: "I am Naga, the white serpent, and you are?"

Delwynndwn: "About to be ill. Your breath is 1000 proof."

Naga laughs and bounces off moments before she and the new guest writer get fireballed by Lina.

Lina: "Both of you are encouragable. Now can we PLEASE get on with the fic before I blow something up?!"

Saturn: "And without further adieau, I leave the fic in the capable hands of Delwynndwn Siele, and if the fic sucks, blame him.!"

Delwynndwn: "Hey, that was uncalled for!"

Saturn: "We'll discuss this at a later date. Now, on with the fic..."

Delwynndwn grumbles, and lightning can be seen striking him as the scene fades into darkness...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Delwynndwn, Orion, Rune, Tenal, Cenn, and Lina had just leaped down into the hole. They continue to freefall...

Delwynndwn: *yawns* "How much farther down could this possibly be?"

Cenn: "Well, at least this isn't my bag. And good thing Umia isn't here."

Delwynndwn glares at Cennarian.

Cenn: "Whaaaaaat?"

Delwynndwn grumbles, then points his finger at Cennarian. A spark leaps from Delwynndwn's finger and zaps Cennarian on the shoulder.

Cenn: "Ow! Why'd you do that?" *rubs his shoulder*

Delwynndwn: "I don't like thinking about that lemon incident. It was the first time in my life that I experienced bondage, and I sure hope it was the last."

Orion: "Uh... hey Del, have we stopped falling or something?"

Delwynndwn: *turns around* "Huh? Hmmm..." *looks around* "Anyone have a light?"

Lina: *evil grin* "Yeah, right here." *tosses him a fireball*

Delwynndwn catches the fireball, causing Lina's face to fault.

Lina: "How did you do that?!"

Delwynndwn: "Sore wa himitsu desu."

Xellos (from high above): "Hey! No fair! You stole my line! And you used it better than me!"

Sweatdrops form on everyone's head. Delwynndwn then looks around using the fire ball as his light.

Delwynndwn: "Yup. We're not falling. We're floating, and if I'm right, we're probably going to suddenly fall a couple feet and hit a floor."

Seconds after saying that, it happens. And Delwynndwn gets lucky and is the one at the bottom of the pile.

(a very chibi Saturn pops up in a separate window and says "Wow... he calls that lucky?! That has GOT to hurt!" Delwynndwn then fries the chibi with a lightning bolt.)

Tenal: "Ow that hurt!"

Lina: "Oh my head.... HEY! GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!!"

Orion: "Sorry."

Delwynndwn tries to say something, but somebody's foot happens to be stuffed in his mouth.

Delwynndwn: "Gmmmph ymmmmmpph mmkmmph fmmmph ummph um mmm mmmmph!!!"

Cenn: "Heehee! Thanks for breaking my fall guys!"

Cenn is suddenly zapped and fireballed.

Cenn: "Ow." *falls over, off of the pile*

Several minutes pass as everyone untangles themselves. Meanwhile, the room lit up, exposing a thinly carpeted floor, walls that look like a tree, loaded with chibi dolls.

Delwynndwn: "Great. Somebody has a chibi fetish." *he looks around more* "Hmmm... this looks familiar somehow. I think I saw this in the 2nd Tenchi movie."

Something: "Yes, you are right."

Delwynndwn: "Huh?"

A chibi Tenchi steps out, and introduces itself.

Chibi Tenchi: "However, the dolls that were used in the movie failed to do their job, so we replaced them."

The other chibi dolls start cheering on.

Chibi Tenchi: "We will succeed where the others failed! Now DIE!!!"

Chibi Tenchi, along with all the other chibis, suddenly form extremely sharp teeth and advance toward the group.

Rune: "Not another chibi attack."

Tenal: "This is soooo old now."

Delwynndwn sighs. Meanwhile the entire group is completely surrounded by the killer chibis.

Asuka: "Oh man! This sucks!"

Everyone: "Huh???"

Right in the middle of the group stood Asuka, the 2nd child. Delwynndwn scratches his head.

Delwynndwn: "What are you doing here Asuka? In fact, how did you even get here?"

Asuka: "I don't know. I was in the middle of a synch test when..." *looks at herself* "HEY!! Why am I back in my skirt?"

A gust of wind then passes by, enough to blow Asuka's skirt up and show the world that she wasn't wearing any panties. Delwynndwn places his hand on his face and shakes his head. Suddenly, a killer chibi leaps up and latches on the Asuka's upper thigh with its teeth.

Asuka: "Ow!" *throws the chibi back to the ground* "You perverted little piece of..."

Delwynndwn places his hand over Asuka's mouth, and winds up getting kick in the groin, bringing him down for the count. Asuka then whips out a couple of really big guns and starts blasting away the chibis. Everyone joins in on the carnage, except for Delwynndwn, who is on the ground holding his groin and moaning.

Delwynndwn: "This sucks! OW!"

Asuka: "Hey, don't steal my line too!" *points one of the guns at Delwynndwn*

Delwynndwn (looks up): "Oh crap, this bad. Look behind you Asuka!"

Asuka: "Do you really think I'm going to fall for that stupid trick?"

Something suddenly growls behind Asuka. She turns around and comes face to face with a giant chibi made up of a bunch of little chibis. The giant chibi swings its arm at Asuka, throwing her into Delwynndwn. In fact, onto Delwynndwn's face.

Asuka (rubbing her head): "Oww! That hurt, you.... HEY! DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY TO STICK YOUR TONGUE IN THERE!!"

Asuka quickly gets back on her feet and kicks Delwynndwn in the groin again, then kicks him in the head.

Delwynndwn (grabbing both his head and groin): "Damn, this really freak'n HURTS!! This really freak'n sucks!!"

Another chibi Saturn pops up, this one with a chibi Zelgadis and a chibi Filia, all in a separate window.

Saturn: "Geeze.... these guys are supposed to SAVE us?! I'm scared."

Zel: "well, they are YOUR friends, are they not?"

the Chibi Saturn face faults and hits the chibi zel with a fireball.

Saturn: "They may be my friends, but they're really scary sometimes."

Asuka glares at the chibis and kicks the window into orbit.

Asuka: "Take a hike you little....."

Asuka gets attacked by several chibi dolls, which she blasts with her hand cannons. Unfortunately she winds up blasting her so called friends in the process.

Lina: "Nice shooting you brat. You nearly killed us along with the chibis!!"

Their surroundings suddenly shift to the inside of a large room that is filled to the brim with ice blocks. The internal temperature is a lot colder than where they had been moments earlier, and the change is so sudden that several people nearly leap out of their skin.

Asuka: "Oh man, this sucks! I'm gonna freeze parts of my body that aren't supposed to be frozen."

Delwynndwn: "Tell me about it.... something tells me I'm going to..."

Cennarian: "Don't even say it, don't even think it, or else I'll do what Saturn usually does to you online."

Delwynndwn keeps his mouth shut, since he usually winds up with a fireball screaming at him over the internet, or something of that sort.

Rune: "So can somebody tell please tell me where the hell we are?!"

voice: "You are aboard the SS Enceladis, the ship belonging to the ice pirates."

Face faults all around as the slayers and company wonder what the hell is going on. Assorted muttering and cursing comes from Rune and Tenal, who wonder why the hell they suddenly became part of a cheesy 80's sci fi movie. Lina looks less than impressed, as do Orion, Amelia, and Asuka.

Amelia: "Hey, about time somebody included me in this episode. I was beginning to suspect that I would get left out in my search for Mister Zelgadis."

Lina: "Ohhhh! Give it a rest!!"

voice: "Surrender, or we shall be forced to capture you and sell you into eunuchdom."

The men in the group shudder at the thought of the operation. Asuka, Lina, and Rune all mutter and sigh, sweatdrops forming on their heads.

Asuka: "Will you wimps give me a break?! It's not like they can do that to us women! You're all a bunch of sissies!"

voice: "We could sell you into..."

Lina doesn't even give the voice a chance to answer. She winds up and fires off a magically enhanced Dragon Slave, blasting the room asunder and opening up their surroundings, which just happen to be where they started in the first place, underneath the island, beneath the village, in a cavern near the pipes from the shower stall above.

Tenal: *whistling* "Wow.... I guess what they say about your fiery personality is true."

Asuka: "And the tales of smoking rubble being left in your wake are also true."

Lina: *winking* "You doubted me?"

Amelia and the others fall over.

Delwynndwn: "Should we go and find the others now?"

The others nod and they set off on their task.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the office belonging to Warrior Saturn assorted bishounen are returning to the activities they were in the midst of before an evil chibi and sprite invasion. Cid and Vincent are still sitting on the edge of the bed, watching everything that is going on about them. Tasuki and Tamahome are playing an anime tournament fighter game. Quatre, Trowa, and Duo are trying to look up stuff on the computer, which is in the middle of being taken over by Heero.

Duo: "Hey, Heero. C'mon. We need to use it."

Heero: "I will destroy you."

Quatre: "Heero, you can be such a pain sometimes. Now fork over the computer."

Trowa: "...."

The other three look at Trowa, who is in the midst of unbraiding his bangs after the sprites tied them up. Duo sighs and looks at himself in the mirror, sticking his tongue out at the image before pulling the violet ribbons out of his own hair.

Duo: "I guess those sprites messed everything up the last time they were here."

Tasuki and Tamahome pop out of the closet / dimensional gateway, dressed in each others clothes. Behind them come several demented chibi sprites that have evil grins on their faces. The sprites set about wreaking havoc, first changing Vincent into Cid's clothes.... which would have been all right had Cid not still been in them at the time.

Cid: "This is bloody unbelievable! Of all the (&*@#&$(#*& times for this strange $h1T that's been going lately this takes the bleedin cake!"

Vincent: "I'll have to agree with you on that one."

Xellos pops out of the closet and sighs, forming a protective dome around those seated at the keyboard. Unfortunately he's not fast enough and Trowa winds up stripped to his boxers in a matter of seconds, with Heero wearing his clothes. A very embarrassed Trowa grabs the sprite in one hand and crushes it to a pulp, plush fuzz flying everywhere.

Duo: "Woah... Trowa, remind me never to get you angry with me."

Trowa: "Don't worry... I will."

Quatre turns from the computer screen with a concerned look on his face a second later.

Quatre: "You guys have got to see this.... I tapped into some force or something in the space under the island and now we can watch their movements..."

Duo: "Almost like we could watch them on TV. Quatre, you're brilliant!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The gang doesn't get very far when some kind of vortex suddenly pops up in front of them.

Delwynndwn: "No, not again" *starts backing off away from it*

Cennarian: "What is it? And what is that thing?"

Delwynndwn: "Where I was stuck for many years. I escaped for about three weeks once, but then I was sucked back in. Now it's trying to take me back."

Everyone looks shocked, and they all try to grab for Delwynndwn to pull him away from the vortex. However, their hands simply pass through him, as if he were no longer there.

Tenal: "What the heck?! What's happening to you Del?!"

Delwynndwn: "This vortex leads straight to the neverending void. It's very lonely in there, and lonliness is the one thing I fear as much as death. It's cold in there too, and it effects my personality." *starts fading away as the void starts swallowing him up* "Help me...."

Delwynndwn fades out completely, and the vortex closes. All that can be heard is a faint cry for help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the pocket dimension silence falls over the group. The sprites stop trying to cause michief and instead turn their attentions to a portable personal portal generator, or a pppg (author's note: wasn't this in an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles many many many MANY years ago?) device. This is placed on the desk next to the laptop that now has several faces glued to it.

Tasuki: "He... he's gone."

Duo: "Woah.... that sucks. Now who's gonna guestwrite the fic?"

Quatre: "Maybe we can drag him back. I mean, others have been dragged back from the brink of death and stuff."

The sprites activate the PPPG and a faint hum fills the air. From the resulting dimensional rift in the closet steps Yamato "Matt" Ishida, the high school version. He brushes his fingers through his blonde hair and looks at everyone else in the room before sighing.

Matt: "Great.... I'm back in Saturn's office."

The other bishies turn from the keyboard and several eyebrows are arched in his direction.

Tamahome: "Who exactly are you?"

Matt: "I'm somebody who the sprites think can lend a hand to the guest writer who was just sucked in by a vortex of loneliness and depression, since I went through the same thing back before the fight with Piedmon."

Sweatdrops all around since nobody really knows what he's talking about.

Heero: "So you think you can help Delwynndwn?"

Matt: "I can give it a try. I just need to be teleported or transported or sent to their location and then I can try my best."

The sprites activate the PPPG device once more before half dragging, half shoving Matt into the gateway. The rift closes a moment later and the PPPG suffers meltdown, filling the air with the smell of burned plastic and singed wiring. The bishes, sprites, and chibis resume watching the screen and the unfolding events.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the cave the three elves, Lina, Amelia, and Orion are still staring in shock from the sudden disappearance of their guest writer and hopeful saviour of their friends. A rift opens up, belching Matt out before them clad in blue body armor with a green t-shirt beneath it, black pants, and knee high black leather boots. He's also wearing brown elbow-length gloves and has a brilliantly colored headband tied around his head, the ends streaming out behind him. He takes a moment to look himself over before saying...

Matt: "Wow... that rift came equipped with its own personal stylist."

The cast look at him with much wonder. Lina steps towards him, a sultry swagger in her step.

Lina: "Let me guess.... you're here to help us on our quest."

Matt looks a little confused at her and shrugs.

Matt: "Actually I think I'm here to get your guest writer back."

Amelia: "Same difference. You shall help us in the name of justice!"

Rune sighs and holds her face in her hand, muttering assorted curses and such in high elven under her breath. Tenal glares at Amelia, which is enough to shut her up.

Orion: "Thank you Tenal. I was wondering what it would take to get miss love and justice to cease her rantings."

Tenal: "Think nothing of it."

Matt looks a little confused, this time looking at the three elves.

Matt: "I'm not even going to ask right now. But can you direct me to where the guestwriter known as Delwynndwn vanished?"

Six fingers point to the exact same point of rippling ground. Matt pulls some rope from behind his back, ties one end around his waist, and hands the other end to Tenal and Cennarian with strict orders to reel him in when they feel him tug on the line three times. Without further adieau he leaps into the air and swan dives into the ripples, leaving the others to stand in shock.

Orion: "He seemed like such a nice guy, and now he's gone."

Lina: "Bite your tongue before I fireball ya! He's going to save Delwynndwn from whatever has swallowed him up and then he can help us to defeat that nasty creature that stole our original guest writer and Zel and Filia!"

Rune: "I hope he'll be ok. He was pretty cute."

The others turn and glare at Rune, who just sighs some more and mutters a few more curses in high elven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the middle of a void sat Delwynndwn Siele, curled up into the fetal position and muttering the same thing over and over.

Del: "I'm worthless. I'm worthless. I'm less than worthless. I'm nothing. I'm scum. I'm worthless. I'm worthless. I'm less than worthless. I'm nothing."

The muttering continues even after Matt descends to his level. For some odd reason, but maybe not so odd to the desire of the vortex, Matt is looking at Delwynndwn at a 99 degree angle.

Matt: "Delwynndwn. Del, snap out of it. You have to snap out of it."

The muttering continues in a louder hum, and strange lights float through the calm liquid landscape of the vortex. Matt arches an eyebrow and recalls what Gabumon did when he was stuck and lost in a sea of self pity and loathing.

Matt: "Del, I'm here for you buddy. Your friends are here for you. Don't forget that. There are six people up above who are anxiously awaiting your return or for me to save you. C'mon Del, Saturn is waiting for you to rescue him. Him, Filia, and Zelgadis are anxiously awaiting you to stride in there in your shining armor and kick the crud out of that tentacle monster that kidnapped them."

The muttering dies away for a moment, and Delwynndwn looks up at Matt, no sign of willpower or much of anything in his eyes.

Del: "Matt? Matt Ishida? Issat you?"

Matt sighs and takes a bow.

Matt: "The one and only. Who were you expecting, Tai? The sprites in Saturn's office sent for me, then sent me here and I got a new wardrobe."

Delwynndwn straightens out and stands up, still in a bit of a daze.

Del: "So Saturn's really counting on me? The others are really worried about me? Including Rune?"

Matt looks a little puzzled for a moment about the last remark, but nods an affirmative answer to all three questions. Delwynndwn blinks a few times, his eyes returning to normal. Matt holds out his hand, which Del takes hold of, before he tugs on the rope 3 times. A moment later they're being wisked away to the world above and their friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the world outside of the vortex Rune and Orion are pacing up a storm. Tenal and Cennarian are nearly asleep with boredom, the rope like a fishing line that has had no bites all day. Lina has since wrestled Amelia into a pretzel knot and is using her as a somewhat comfortable chair. The line suddenly jerks, nearly jumping from Tenal's hands. Rune dives across the room, grabs the line, and starts to haul the rope in. A moment later Delwynndwn and Matt are standing before them, each a little damp from being in the vortex, but none the worse for wear. The vortex ripples vanish, and Rune instantly hugs the guestwriter.

Rune: "I thought I'd lost you!"

The others stare at her, and she glares at them before holding Delwynndwn at arms length.

Rune: "If you ever do something like that again Matt won't be the one hauling your ass out of the vortex.... I will the the one hauling it out, and I'm probably not as gentle as he is."

Matt blushes crimson at this remark, and Orion catches this and arches an eyebrow. Lina interrupts this little moment of introspection.

Lina: "Are we going to go and save our friends or not?! I mean, they may be being tortured or having something really sick and disgusting being done to them or something even worse than that at this very moment!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, in the room that the creature inhabits, the three prisoners are sitting around playing a relaxing game of 'go fish' with their captor.

Alex: "Zelgadis, do you have any threes?"

Zel *looks at his hand*: "Nope. Go fish."

Alex pulls out a fishing pole and casts it at the pile, hooking a card and drawing it back. Filia leans over to Zel for a moment to whisper something to him.

Filia: "I saw that one coming a mile away."

A sweat drop forms on Zel's head a moment later.

Zelgadis: "MoTD, do you have any tens?"

The monster checks its hand and passes a pair of ten's over to Zelgadis.

Zel: "This doesn't add up. I now have five ten's and there should only be four in the deck."

Filia: "Don't insult the monster. He's been nice enough not to torture us during this entire episode."

Zel: "If you don't count us being pulled forcebly down the drain torture."

Alex sighs and mutters a few curses in high elven, much like those that Rune muttered moments earlier. The monster looks at him and blushes crimson.

MoTD: "How dare you insult somebody's father in that manner!"

Zel: "If he was insulting Rezo then he's more than welcome to. It's his fault I'm in this body."

Alex: "And a wondeful body it is."

The monster is now thoroughaly confused. Zel blushes deeply at this comment.

Zel: "So you're going back to the Tormaline Saga that you just completed."

It's Alex's turn to blush crimson, and blush he does, since heat waves begin to rise from his head.

Filia: "Mister Alex, Mister Zelgadis, will you act a little more mature about things like this. I haven't read that series yet, and I don't care to have it spoiled for me!"

Alex and Zel glance at one another for a brief moment before returning to their game.

Filia: "So.... Mister Zelgadis, do you have any fours?"

Zel: "Sorry. go fish."

Filia pulls out her mace and impales a card upon it before dragging it back towards herself. She grins with satisfaction and sets her four cards down, revealing them to all be fours.

Filia: "I win."

Zel, Alex, and MoTD all fall over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere in the caves the now enlarged group is closing in upon the monster's lair. Delwynndwn and Rune are holding hands at the front of the group, with the others keeping back and wondering what the hell is going on. Matt has since produced a glowing sword and has constantly complimented Xellos and the sprites, causing the other two elves in the area to curse their fates.
As they round the final corner they see the Monster of the Day in its grandeur, 40 feet tall, tentacles the size of school busses, and three half naked people wrapped up and being crushed.

Amelia: "Mister Zelgadis! What the hell is going on?!"

Zelgadis manages to free himself enough to allow for breathing and some speaking.

Zel: "We were playing Go Fish, but Filia won and suggested we play something else so we started to play 5 card stud. Guess who the stud was."

Filia fumes a little and glares at him. Amelia looks a tad puzzled for a moment and quickly realizes what he meant.

Amelia: "So you were the stud of the group, weren't you mister Zelgadis."

Lina: "Give it a rest. I'm gonna fireball this thing and put it out of our misery!!!"

She begins to summon a spell, but is stopped by Orion wrapping his arms through hers and pulling them behind her body.

Lina: "What the hell are you doing?!"

Orion: "Letting Del and the others handle this since we've handled so much of the other stuff in the past."

Lina mutters a few curses, but finally sighs and gives in. Rune, Delwynndwn, Tenal, Cennarian, and Matt step to the front, all drawing weapons of varying sizes and types. Asuka sulks at the back, loading her chain guns in case she's needed.

Rune: "Ok you large pile of octopus parts, I'm going to teach you what happens when you mess with our guest writer and his friends!!"

She leaps into the air with her battle axe above her head. With what can only be described as a battle cry she whips the axe forward, sending it hurtling at the monster like a buzz saw. The spinning blade makes contact with the tentacle that's holding Zelgadis, cleaving clear through it and dropping him to the ground. The earth shakes from the impact and Zel turns deep blue due to the impact and pain to assorted parts of his lower anotomy. Rune catches her axe on the return and gives a victory sign.

Tenal: "Don't get cocky there Rune. We have two others to save and a monster to destroy."

Delwynndwn: "I want a piece of this thing for what it did to Saturn."

He forms a large globe of electrical energy in between his hands, which grows to great proportions. He grunts and groans as he struggles to keep the energy contained, and Asuka makes a crack about how he must be constipated. In a flash he leaps into the air, the globe still above his head, and dives at the monster. The two collide and an explosion like a tactical nuclear missle results, throwing everyone from their feet. When the smoke clears Saturn's pressed three feet into one wall, Filia's floating, surrounded by a bubble of protection, and the monster of the day is screaming and flailing in pain. Delwynndwn, on the other hand, stumbles back to the group in a daze and promptly passes out at Asuka's feet.

Asuka: "Geeze, some great hero you are! You passed out from one attack! And don't even THINK of looking up my dress, you pervo!"

She promptly kicks him in the balls a couple of times before stamping off towards the monster with her chain guns in hand. Rune stops her before she gets far, though.

Rune: "Let Tenal and Cennarian finish it."

Asuka mutters a few curses in German and Japanese, but concedes. Tenal fires up his trusty dragon spell while Cennarian is surrounded by a magic circle with the signs of the zodiac and assorted runes in it. Assorted chanting fills the air as the two elves chant their spells. By now Alex has dug himself out of the wall and is in the process of stumbling away from the blast site when the monster of the day grabs him again and proceeds to whip him about.

Alex: "Stop this ride.... I wanna get off!"

Matt looks at the two elves that are in the process of casting and makes a decision to save the guest writer before he's roasted to a cinder. He leaps into the air, his sword above his head, and swings downward, cleaving the monster's tentacle off with one hand and catching the half naked guest writer in his other hand. The two land a safe distance away and are enveloped in Filia's protection spell.

Matt: "Ok you two, cook this thing to a cinder!!"

Tenal and Cennarian give him the thumbs up before finishing their spells.

Tenal: "... Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess. Dragon SLAVE!"

Cennarian: "...Unleash the crushing blow of destiny! Nightmare... FURY!"

The two spells intertwine on their way to striking the monster of the day, a beam of darkness and a mass of nightmarish creatures. The resulting blast opens a new crater in the face of the island, which isn't too far from the castaway's village. As the smoke clears the would be rescuers and the victims of the last 3 chapters are all a little crisper than they should be due to backlash. Asuka has Del's head between her legs, and is in the process of beating the snot out of him with her chain guns.

Asuka: "PERVERT! HELP ME KAJI!! I'M SURROUNDED BY PERVERTS!! AAAHHH!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK THERE!!"

Del: "why *ouch* me?! *ouch*"

Gourrigan, Xellos, Rezo, and the Queen of Swords look down from the edge of the crater and blink in disbelief since the cavern they're in looks like it took forever to carve out. Filia changes into her dragon form and everyone climbs aboard and they are instantly wisked into the air and to the outside world, where they are met by those who stayed topside. A doorway opens and out stumble a mass of bishounen, sprites, and chibis.

QoS: "Do I even *want* to know what's been going on while I was on vacation?"

Tenal, Rune,and Cennarian all look at her.

All: "No."

The Queen of Swords falls over. Meanwhile, Alex is trying to comfort the bishies who were in his office the entire time, while Xellos and Orion are scolding the sprites. Amelia has since pulled a bigass mallet out of nowhere and is now in the process of playing whack a chibi.

Lina: "Does the insanity ever end?!"

Everyone: "NO!"

A large sweat drop forms on Lina's head.

Lina: "I just had to ask."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, everything had more or less gone back to normal afterwards. Delwynndwn spent the next couple nights on the island while Asuka, Matt, and the others who weren't originally around went back to their respective homes using various modes of transport. However, it is still unknown how the heck Asuka got into the adventure, let alone how the heck she went back home.
Anyhow, it is now Delwynndwn's last day on the island, before he has to go back home and take care of business there. We find him sitting on the beach, arms wrapped around his legs, staring out at the ocean. A tear drips down his face as Alex approached him from behind.

Del: "Dude, I don't really even know Matt, and he was able to rescue me from the void?! How is that possible? Could it have been that maybe... Rune...?"

Alex: *sits down by Del* "I don't know. If it's meant to be, then it will be."

Del: "Funny. My mother said exactly the same thing."

Alex: *smiles at Del* "Hey, it's true anyway."

Del: "Yeah, I guess. But why is it that I suddenly just get into this 'Must impress' mode?? Whenever I do, I do things that aren't things I normally do! I'm basically not myself!"

Alex: "Dude, get over it."

Del: "Still, it puts me into the 'typical male' stereotype, which I don't want to be in. I'm more of an atypical guy. Heck, sometimes it seems that some of my actions are feministic."

Alex: *face faults* "Ummm... yeah..."

Del: *zaps Alex* "So I've got in touch with my feminine side more than other guys in the 'typical' stereotype. What's wrong with that?"

Alex: "Nothing. Nothing at all."

Del: *sighs then stares back out at the ocean* "I still feel alone. It sucks."

Alex: "Dude, it'll happen eventually. Give it time."

A loud roar is suddenly heard from behind. Delwynndwn and Alex quickly turn around to see Unit 02. It draws it's progressive spear and points it directly at Delwynndwn.

Asuka: *over the loud speaker* "I'm not done with you yet you perv!!"

Delwynndwn puts his hand over his face and makes several obscenities in a high/sylvan elf mix.

Del: "Do you have a very big mallet I could borrow Alex?"

Alex: "Let me see...."
Alex opens up his subspace pocket and starts tossing things out. Eventually, he produces a very large mallet.

Alex: "This large enough?"

Del: "It'll do."
Delwynndwn takes the mallet and flies up into the air. He then makes an underhand swing and smacks the Eva hard in between the legs, essentially where the vagina of a woman would be. The Eva grabs itself at the groin and Asuka can be heard shrieking in pain .

Asuka: "You *bleep* bastard!! I'll get you for this you *bleep* piece of *bleep*!!"

Delwynndwn and Alex turn around to see where the bleeps came from. They see Cennarian standing there with a censor box in hand, finger poised to hit the button on it. Cenn smiles at them, and Delwynndwn smiles back. Delwynndwn turns back around then smacks the Eva a several more times with the mallet, placing quite a few in the groin.

Del: "How do you like that *bleep*?!" *turns around and looks at Cenn* "Thanks man."

Cenn: "No problem."

Del: *makes a quick thought* "Would you happen to have a rocket booster or something?"

Cenn: "Yup."
Cennarian then starts shuffling through his backpack. He finds a few lemons and curses, then tosses to Delwynndwn, who promptly blushes. Cenn finds a couple rocket boosters, and thus attaches them to the Eva and activates them, sending Asuka back to Germany.

Del: "Thanks a lot. She was really starting to annoy me. Especially since she seems to have a fetish with kicking me in the groin."

A sweat drop forms on both Alex and Cenn's foreheads. Delwynndwn let's out a slight grin, then looks back out to the ocean.

Del: *sighs* "Sashana..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Co-author's End note: Well, our adventure finally ends. Despite the chaos and the fact that I was constantly getting abused by Asuka. *holds himself in pain* Well, at least I finally got her back. And luckily I was rescued by that void. Heh, imagine if I wasn't.... I would probably acting like a real *bleep* right now. And thanks Cenn.

Cenn: *with censor box in hand* "No problem Del, no problem."

A portal openes and out pops Alex, Zelgadis, and Rune. All three are clad in dressy outfits, with tuxes for the guys and a sequined gown and cape for Rune. Del's jaw drops to his feet when he sees this, and Cenn simply sighs.

Cenn: "We forgot about the blooper clips, didn't we?"

Alex glares at him, then grins.

Alex: "Yeah, you forgot the blooper clips that are usually run at the end of each episode. It's custom for me to run some of them...

Zelgadis: "And embarrass the heck out of everyone in the episode."

Alex sighs and playfully smacks Zel in the gut.

Rune: "So without further adieau... here come the blooper clips."

Del and Cennarian quickly change into tuxes before they start running the clips.

BLOOOOOOPERS!!!!!

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It's the beginning of chapter 3 when Delwynndwn is making the co-author's note. There is supposed to be some white ooze that drips upon Lina, but instead it drips upon the co-guest writer, covering him from head to toe in white gooey goodness.

Del: "YUCK! What the hell is this stuff?!"

Lina *takes a taste of it*: "Ick.... it's tapioca pudding."

Gourry bursts in through a tear in the scenery and tackles the co-writer, a crazed look in his eyes.

Gourry: "Pudding! Pudding! Puddingpuddingpudding!!!"

Gourry goes on a feeding frenzy and not only licks the co-writer clean of the pudding, but also takes a few bites out of his armor before Lina punts her sidekick into orbit, from which Xellos exctacts him later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blooper #2 occurs when the bishies in Saturn's office are attacked by the sprites and chibis. Cid and Vincent are supposed to wind up in one another's clothes, but the chibis make a mistake and the results are hilarious.

Cid: "What the &(@#&$(#*!! Vincent, why are you wearing my pants?"

Vincent: "Cid, I don't think that's the only thing I'm wearing."

Cid looks down and notices he's no longer wearing anything. He immediately flushes crimson, grabs a nearby sheet, and wraps himself in it. The other bishes in the room nearly die from laughter at Cid's expense. 
Cid does get his payback, though, later on when the sprites attack again. The sprites and chibis are supposed to attack him and Vincent for a second time, but get it backwards for instant revenge, this time at Tasuki's and Tamahome's expense. The two are supposed to come running out of the closet in each other's clothes, but once again the chibis get it reversed.

Tasuki: "What in the...."

He blinks a few times and wonders why everyone's staring at him. Tamahome also stops in his tracks and wonders what everyone's staring at. He glances over at Tasuki to see that he's only half dressed and his pants are around his ankles. Tasuki looks over at Tamahome and notices the same thing. They glare at the camera in unision.

Tasuki & Tamahome: "CUT!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blooper #3 is rated H, and thus cannot be shown here.

Alex: "Stay tuned for Gourrigan's Island - Uncut to see blooper clip 3"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blooper #4 happens while Delwynndwn is in the vortex. A nice big pool full of LCL was used to create the effect. However, it took Delwynndwn quite a while to get used to it.


Take #1: Delwynndwn is lowered in, and he's assured that he can breath the stuff in. After he's in, he exhales all the air in his lungs and breathes in the LCL. Then he instantly performs the technicolor yawn. He's taken out and the pool is emptied, sanitized, then refilled with LCL.

Take #2: Delwynndwn's back in the pool again, and he seems to be doing a little better.

Del: "I'm worthless. I'm worthless. I'm less than worthless. I'm nothing. I'm going to be sick again..." *pukes all over the place, recontaminating the LCL*

Take #3: A little better luck, but still no go.

Matt is looking at him at the 99 degree angle. Delwynndwn looks up at him.

Del: "Dude, this sucks." *pukes in Matt's face* "Crap! Sorry!"

Take #4: Another clean-up.

Delwynndwn straightens himself up in the pool, and stands (well, sort of). And of course, he's dazed, like in the script. Little did we know, he really was dazed.

Del: "So Saturn's really counting on me? The others are really worried about me? Including Rune? And will I be out of this damn LCL soon?" *pukes all over the place*

Take #5: Almost, but not quite. This is the first time that Delwynndwn is pulled out of the void. However, during this take, Matt wrapped his arm around Delwynndwn's waist, which proved to be a big mistake. As they were getting pulled up, the sudden jerk on Delwynndwn's stomach was enough to make him puke all over the place again, and of course contaminating the LCL again...

Take #6: This was the charm. Delwynndwn puked again after being yanked out, put fortunately the shot ended just in time.

Ok, maybe Delwynndwn didn't get used to the LCL. We tried anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blooper #5 occurs immediately after Delwynndwn is pulled out of the void. Delwynndwn hasn't had very much experience with women, so while Rune is hugging him, he has no clue what to do next. Of course, he does hug back, but one could easily tell that he was nervous. He was shaking all over, so much that he looked like a blur on film. After the first couple of takes, he finally got used to it, but then there was that problem with the LCL.... again.... At least he didn't throw up in the middle of the takes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex looks at Delwynndwn, a large sweat drop on his head. The rest of the cast and crew are on the floor laughing their asses off. Rune looks a bit embarrassed, since she was nearly on the business end of some of the LCL induced vomiting. As Zel rolls, holding his stomach, a very furious Asuka stamps onto the stage, walks over the chimera man, and glares at Alex and Delwynndwn.

Asuka: "I just want you to know that I'm damn unhappy with everything that has happened to me in this fic and I'm not gonna take it..."

Lina does everyone else a huge favor and blasts Asuka into orbit. The rest of the cast and crew applaud her efforts.

Del: "So stay tuned for the next project..."

Alex: "When we finally figure out what the hell our next project will be and what the next episode will entail."

everyone -Alex & Del: "Oy!"

Delwynndwn & Alex: "Keep watching 'cause we have 22 more episodes to do!"

The cast and crew run away to hide.... everyone but Zelgadis, who's being glomped upon by the guest writer. Del sighs and shuts the cameras off, ending the fic.

-End.

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